Vacations Are Hazardous To Your Health
by Shathar
Summary: At least, if Calhoun is along...
1. One

Elizabeth Shelby, Captain of the USS Trident, awoke with the thought that the sun felt wonderful on her back. That thought was followed closely by the thought that the sun doesn't shine on a starship. Snapping her eyes open she quickly took in the deep blue sheets around her, the wooden floor, tan walls, the shadow of a man holding a sword up in preparation to strike, wooden ceiling tri-…

Shelby let out a strangled yelp as she attempted to turn around, lunge to her feet, and draw a non-existent phaser simultaneously. Succeeding at none of the three left her tangled in her sheets (and nothing more) on the cold floor, clutching her head where it had made contact with the small table at her bedside. It took only a moment for the pain to recede but that was enough for her memories of where she was, and why, to come flooding back to her.

A good thing, since the man was now standing at the foot of her bed staring emotionlessly down at her while still gripping the sword. In a flat tone he said, "You told me this trip would relax you."

Shelby spat back, "I didn't know you were bringing that blasted sword!"

Still emotionless he answered, "What good is it to me if it's light-years away?"

Shelby sighed and answered, "What good does it do you on a diplomatic mission?"

Mackenzie Calhoun, Captain of the USS Excalibur, smiled and offered his wife his free hand. As she pulled herself up he replied, "My best negotiations have been accomplished with this sword."

Shelby only sighed and headed into the small bath off their room, hoping that a long and steamy shower would erase the memory of how her vacation had begun.

Calhoun walked to the desk by the balcony door and slid his sword back into its sheath. Turning and going outside he got his first clear view of the planet Nezdaro. Or, as clear a view as one could ever get on Nezdaro as the planet had a thick cloud cover and almost continuous fog. From his vantage point, 5 or so meters above the ground, Calhoun could see rolling hills ahead and to the right. Covered with thick, tall grass the color of the bed sheets and patches of shrubs in a deep oily green they were a less than impressive sight.

To the left was a jungle, the plant life appeared to be predominately blue and black but a few patches of red and green showed through. The breeze was light and blowing in from that direction, it carried a semi-sweet odor. Calhoun spent a minute trying to identify it but decided that it wasn't worth the effort. The only sounds he heard were chirping insects and some type of ornamental (he assumed) grass under his window being ruffled by the wind. Peaceful, for people who are into that kind of thing. Calhoun was not one of those people.

When he heard the bath door open, he turned and went back into the room. Towel in hand, Shelby came out dressed in a pair of slim cut pants the color of wine and a shirt that was slightly lighter. Catching the questioning look her husband gave her she replied, "You may be working but I'm not and there's no way I'm wearing a Starfleet uniform this week." Calhoun snorted, then placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her to the door saying, "It's just that I had a different idea in mind when you told me that you'd 'be out of uniform' this week…."


	2. Two

As Shelby and Calhoun finished the fishy tasting "bacon", and even fishier tasting eggs, they had gotten from the kitchen on the bottom floor of the small inn they were staying in the owner came over. He sat two small, dusky purple stones on the table in front of them. They were about the size of Shelby's palm and slightly oval, with a porous look to them. "I make free with room these! Make free every room!" The owner smiled as widely as if he has just won the Trangalactic semi-annual lottery. Calhoun eyed them and muttered, "Bet they taste better than the eggs…."

Shelby elbowed him and smiled at the thin little man before her. "What are they?" His eyes widened, "Not have knowledge? Have not kept stones?" When Shelby shook her head he continued, "Kept stones find for you where they are kept. Like to be kept, kept stones. See?" Realizing by the blank look Shelby was giving him that they still didn't understand he tried a different tactic, "Nezdaro empty very much, forests and swamps very much. No kept stones being lost is easy. Kept stones lost not easy. Home, kept stones find. Unlike being away from being kept." He nodded, expecting her to understand. Shelby turned to her husband, "Do you have any idea what it is these things are supposed to do?" Calhoun shook his head and, pushing his plate away, picked one of the stones up. "It's hot." Shelby frowned slightly and picked up the other one. It felt like a petrified sponge and was almost too hot to hold. The owner whirled and headed, yelling in a sing-song tone, toward an employee of his who had just dumped an entire glass of gray tar on another patron. Calhoun stood and said, "Wait". He turned back to Calhoun and said, "Go must! Kept stone keep, here find you when want." With that he turned back away.

Standing, Shelby frowned and said, "Mac, has yours cooled off?" When he nodded she started turning it over in her hands. "There has to be something more to this, he's talking as if it's some sort of homing beacon." Calhoun shrugged and dropped his in the front pocket of his jacket. "Whatever it is, it seems harmless." Smirking, he continued, "Maybe it's a way they mark off-worlders for the local vendors to focus their selling toward." Shelby shook her head and dropped hers in her left pocket, then smiled as Calhoun gave her a quick kiss. "See you later, then?" she asked. Calhoun snorted, "Unless I die from boredom today. What in nine suns possessed Starfleet to send me to finish a trade agreement?" Shelby laughed, "Maybe they thought you should have to endure at least one of these, since the average captain does several a year." She paused as Calhoun turned away, and then continued, "And I doubt _you_ would be the one to die if you get bored…." His answer was a snort.

* * *

Shelby walked down sticky blue-gray streets. Paired with the gray-blue sky, and counter-pointed by blue weeds growing by the sides of the road and the gray stone houses that lined it she was left with the feeling of being in a bucket of dirty mop water. At least the planet smelled nice, strawberries had always been one of here favorite foods. She had spent the morning walking around and getting a feel for the layout of the town but was now in the mood to find somewhere out of the mist to dry out for a few hours. When she spotted a shop with a steaming bowl painted on the front window she headed in.

The air inside was warm and humid and smelled like a cross of chicken soup and peaches. Intrigued, she walked over the low counter and sat down. And older women limped over from the table she had been chopping roots on and asked her something in the local sing-song langue. Thankfully. Shelby had a universal translator but it didn't work unless someone spoke a language other than Federation Standard. The inn owners insistence in speaking Standard, or at least his version of it, was the reason it hadn't helped earlier in the day. All the locals she had met insisted on speaking the local version of Standard, she supposed they thought it was a sign of their education. It was as annoying as hell.

Shelby smiled and replied, "Could you repeat that please? My translator should be working now." "Of course", the women smiled and continued, 'Welcome to Ledan's. Are you hungry today?" "Famished". Shelby looked over at the wall where several the stoves were covered with pots, each one with a different color liquid boiling within. She gave the women a serious look and said, "Do you have anything that isn't slimly and doesn't taste like fish?" With a raised eyebrow the women turned and went to one of the far pots, filling a silver bowl and retuning to sat it in front of Shelby. It with a think, dark brown stew filled with lighter brown chunks and stringy bits of blue. It was hard to keep from gagging from merely looking at the substance. Still, she was a Starfleet Captain. She reasoned that if she had fought the against mythic gods, chased mad super-geniuses, and refrained from killing Mac than she could handle a bowl of stew. Especially if it didn't taste like fish. She took a deep breath and dipped up a spoonful.

* * *

Mac was bored. He had planned his escape routes from the room. He had imagined how many men it would take to secure and hold the area against an over-whelming foe. He had even spent a few minutes ranking the men around him in the order of how much of a challenge they would pose in a fight. He abandoned that idea after his current pick for top spot flipped his chair over to escape the evil clutches of a 10-legged insect the length of Calhoun's finger. Basically, he was attempting to not yawn, fall asleep, or in any other way draw attention to himself. 

The point for the meetings were to hammer out the last few details of a trade agreement between the planets of Nezdaro and Pont. Pont was large and dusty; they wanted fish, fruit, and leather. Nezdaro wanted glass, a rare commodity on a planet without sand. It was, in Mac's opinion, a simple matter. Somehow it had grown into a mess that had stretched into years of bickering and name-calling. Now they were close, supposedly, to an agreement and wanted Starfleet there to witness how well they could get along. Calhoun was _sure_ their sudden turn-around had nothing to do with the fact the Federation had made it clear that in order to set up formal trade ties with other Federation worlds they would have to first resolve their conflict with one another. No, it must be a coincidence that 4 months after that announcement had reached the two worlds he was stuck watching a painfully thin man wave both arms while expounding on how much the trade agreement was going to profit the future generations of both worlds.

Suddenly the door into the room slammed open. Papers went flying as 3 young aids rushed in screaming and waving their arms wildly. Calhoun leapt to his feet but before he could move forward he felt a hum in the air that made his skin crawl. Within a few seconds every being in the room, Calhoun included, had blacked-out.


	3. Three

When Shelby opened Ledan's door she was surprised to see that it was far darker outside than it had been when she went in. She had mis-judged the length the local day and now the sky was a deep gray. Apparently the locals had better night vision than humans, there were no streetlights of any kind and even after moonrise the thick cloud cover would prevent any moonlight from reaching the ground. Murky light was given off by many of the storefronts, but that was it. At least the planet was a relatively safe one, the locals were very eager to spend time with off-worlders and the crime rate against them was all but nil. Shelby decided that there was enough light to avoid obstacles it was not enough to see the landmarks she had been depending on to find her way back. Hoping that she could get directions, or even a guide, she turned on her heel and went back into Ledan's.

The cook from before was placing some bread on a table in front of two men that had come in just before Shelby left. There were several others that had come near the end of her meal, apparently it was dinner time here. She waited until she caught the woman's eye and asked, "Do you know how to get to inn on the edge of town? The one that's about four stories tall?" A puzzled look appeared on the woman's face, "Of course. But do you not have your kept stone? Bangi gives them to all his guests." Shelby had forgotten about the stone until then, she pulled it from her pocket and held it toward the woman, "You mean this?" "Yes. You can use it to go back to where you are staying." It was Shelby's turn to look puzzled, "He kept saying that it was a 'kept stone' but I have no idea what that means. Or what to do with it." Laughing, the woman smiled and said, "Take the stone in your hand and go outside. Then, let some rain fall on it. Any water will do, but you rarely need to look for it around here. When the stone gets wet it will began to glow softly and become cold, the further you are from where it belongs to colder it will be. As you walk toward it's home it will get warmer. The glow will move to the side of stone in the direction you need to go. Just keep the glow on the front of the stone and it will lead you back where you belong."

After she had thanked the woman Shelby headed outside again and held the stone out in the drizzle, it acted just the way she had said it would. Shelby mused as she headed into the dark, "I wonder if we could rig these to find shuttlecraft on away missions."

* * *

The creamy green walls of the inn appeared in the mist before Shelby. She sighed in relief, she was soaked to the bone from the now pouring rain and more than ready to change into some dry clothes. She was also a little concerned about having worried Mac, she wasn't sure how late it was and he knew she planned to be back before dark. Hopefully, he had decided to wait on her and not go out looking because there was no way she was going back out tonight, even to find him. He could walk in the rain all night, she was going to change and curl up in bed with a holopad. Unless, of course, Mac was still here. 'In that case', she thought, 'Mac might find something for me to do in bed besides read.' A smile crossed her face as she squished into the foyer.

The first thing that caught her eye was a knot of men standing by the stairs. They seemed agitated and nervous, talking in erratic bursts. Shelby tried to edge around them when one of them turned and saw her. He spoke a sharp word the translator didn't interpret. The others fell silent and stared at her, their emotions seemed to run from worried to panicked. The man who had silenced them took a half-step forward and bowed slightly, "I am Headman Frath, I am over the safety and wellbeing of this town and the people in it." Shelby frowned, "Is there a problem here?" She took a sharp breath, "Has someone broken into my room?" The Headman shook his head, 'No, nothing like that has happened. It's…. " He bit his lip, "There's been an incident at the trade negotiations. Your husband was involved."

Shelby's face took on an interesting shade of red, "What now? Did he destroy a priceless artifact? Break a diplomats jaw? Discover that…." She was interrupted by Frath, "No, no, no. You mis-understand. He's not done anything, he's been taken." Shelby opened her mouth but he quickly continued, "Someone has abducted several members of both our diplomatic and the team from Ponk. Regrettably, your husband was also taken. However, I can assure you that we are investigating every lead and we'll have him found in a short time." Shelby felt remarkably more calm then she would have anticipated, apparently being married to Calhoun was having a settling affect. Either that, or this simply wasn't odd enough to alarm her anymore.

Shelby stared at the Headman and said, "I need to use a long-range communicator. I have to contact Starfleet." "Of course." Frath continued, "You can follow me to my office. It's only a few blocks from here. You'll be able to speak with your people and we can see if anyone has reported in with more information." Frath walked to the door and opened it for her, Shelby gave nodded in thanks as she squished back out into the pouring rain.

* * *

"I'm sorry Captain, the closest available ship is yours and she's about six days from your location. I've already relayed the first part of our conversation on to them and they're headed your way." Commander Burgoyne, of the USS Excelsior, looked apologetic as s/he continued, "I wish we could come, but with the plague so out of control…" Shelby cut hir off, "No, Kkraff has to be your first priority. Mac is a resourceful man, he'll probably figure out a way to profit from this mess. And I'm not without allies here, the Headmaster of this town has been most helpful so far." From across the room Frath's head popped up and Shelby caught a glimpse of an embarrassed smile before he resumed talking into a telephone.

Burgoyne raised an eyebrow. Before she could speak Shelby lowered her voice and said, "It never hurts to stroke the local ego a bit. Look, I'll give you an update as soon as I can, I want to go see how they've got there 'rescue' mission organized" Burgoyne nodded, "Alright Captain, Burgoyne out" Shelby flipped off the communicator, closed her eyes, and sighed, 'I hope this planet has coffee."


	4. Four

"We are still looking for any clues about who took your husband, but we already know that they are not from Nezdaro", Headman Frath looked relieved by that knowledge. He continued, "The aids were not taken and gave us an idea of what the men looked like. Everyone that works for me is being alerted to watch for them." Shelby stared at him and said, "Do you really expect them to eat dinner at Leda's? I think they'll be laying low right now, don't you?" Frath replied, "Perhaps. Still, we'll watch for them." "What else are you planning to do? I mean, you're not planning on just waiting for them to call us. Are you?" Shelby was getting annoyed, this was not a good night to be obtuse around her. "No, of course not" Frath spoke quickly, "We will start looking for tracks as soon as the sun comes up. Also, we have contacted Pont and are waiting to hear their explanation for this." Frath leaned in and dropped his voice, "Personally, I think the leadership of Pont is responsible. They know we are getting the better end of the trade agreement and they are jealous." "Then why would they take Mac too?" Shelby asked. "Well, perhaps they made a mistake. But don't worry, they are not the sort to harm a captive, they are much more likely to talk them to death than even think of real harm. Your husband will be fine." Frath looked more and more confident as he spoke, he was convincing himself far better than he was Shelby. Annoyed, she said, "Look, that may be true. However, it's still a Federation crime to kidnap a StarFleet officer. Plus, we don't know that it was Pont, or that they are even still alive. I'm going to the meeting center now, with or without you, and looking for evidence before any more time passes." She paused and continued, "If any harm as come to him because you delayed…." Trailing off she watched Frath's adam's apple bob before he spoke, "Of course, of course. I think that's a wonderful idea. I'll have a vehicle brought around immediately."

The meeting center was almost 15 blissfully warm minutes always by hovercraft. Shelby was still damp, beyond hungry, and ready for some quiet. Frath was more than eager to tell her everything he had learned, even though he had just told her the very same thing less than a minute before. As she opened the door and stepped out she wanted nothing more than to shut it firmly behind her and allow the vehicle the leave with Frath still inside. Unfortunately, he was right behind her.

Between the rain and the lack of lighting Shelby had only a glance at the center. It appeared to be a squat stone building with an assortment of shrubbery arrayed around the front. The large, carved stone door was being held open by a wooden chair that had seen better days. Frath walked past her and towards a flight of stairs in the center of the entrance hall, gesturing that she should follow him. He said, "Behind this main room is the security room, kitchen, and offices. Up these stairs is the main meeting hall". At the top Shelby paused and looked at the room around her. It was large, with a low ceiling and dim lighting. A handful of people, mostly wearing the same gray uniform as Frath, were milling about and muttering to one another. A few in uniforms of pasty mint green were straightening stacks of papers and taping on holopads. Shelby pointed at one of the second group, "Are the ones in green the aides?" Frath answered, "Yes. Several of them were so upset that they are downstairs resting, but the rest have been helping by answering questions and cleaning up the mess. Apparently the kidnappers made quite a mess. Papers everywhere." Shelby looked at him and said, "I want to talk to one of them. Now."

* * *

Shelby threw herself down on her bed back at Bangi's just as the sky started to lighten. She was exhausted, had blisters on her feet from wearing wet shoes all night, and had sneezed twice on the ride back to the inn. The aides from upstairs had been useless. None of them in the room had seen anything, one stating that "there was a terrible rush of wind that blow my thoughts away" and another arguing that it wasn't wind at all, but the breath of the rain god as he devoured those who failed to honor his might. The aides from downstairs were a bit more helpful. Several had seen tall men with red or gold skin and dark hair appear in the offices where they were working. Then a tingly sensation, followed by waking up with a headache a couple of hours later. They described their clothes as mostly dark reds and browns, long-sleeved and covering.

The description was vauge enough to fit more worlds than Shelby could count, but none within any neighboring system. And definitely not the natives of Pont; the harsh sun on that world had left the locals with deep brown skin and pale, creamy hair. And they were short, the tallest rarely reached one and a half meters. However, Frath could not be swayed from his belief that Pont was behind the attack.

As for other evidence, there wasn't any. No one knew if any papers had been taken, because no one knew what papers were in the room to begin with. There were no footprints, no blood drops, nothing. And Shelby had a feeling that Frath's plan to look for tracks in the morning wasn't going to get him very far considering that they "appeared from nothing". Transporters were not known for leaving a path in the mud. Her next idea was to try and get a log of all space trafiic in the area, but first she needed a shower and a few hours of sleep.

A knock of the door startled Shelby. Groaning, she stood back up and swung it open. A boy stood before her with a plate of food and a pottery jug. He said, "Mister Bangi says you've had a bad time and sent me to bring you something saved from dinner." Shelby waved him in, "Just set it on the desk." She walked over and eyed it, truth be told, it smelled rather good. She turned to the boy, "Tell Bangi thanks for me, this was a nice thing for him to do." The boy nodded and ran from the room, slamming the door on his way out. Which shook the floor. Which made Calhoun's sword, leaning against the desk, topple over and hit Shelby in the back of the legs. After the crash there was silence in the room for a moment, then the quiet thumping of a forehead against the floor.


End file.
